Grace Like Rain

Have you ever truly experienced the grace of God? All my life I have heard that it is by grace I am saved, but in this season of my life, as I have left the security of all I’ve known and allowed God to expose all the darkness and frailty in me, I can say for the first time, that I am beginning to understand this grace that is saving me moment by moment.


Before coming to Africa, I pretty much thought I was perfect. Oh, I knew that I sinned here and there, but who doesn’t? I really believed that I was a good person and that my own determination to please God would be enough. I prided myself on my amazing ability to be holy while judging others whom I deemed “less holy” than me. When they didn’t meet my expectations, I would condemn them in my mind.


I brought this prideful mindset with me when I came to Gulu, Uganda, but life in Africa smacked me in the face with the reality of my very-present weakness and sin. So instead of being proud, I condemned myself until I repented. Then I went back to thinking I had it all together until I was once again confronted with my sin, and the cycle went round and round…


It’s like Brennan Manning talks about in his book "The Ragamuffin Gospel":

“We fluctuate between castigating ourselves and congratulating ourselves because we are deluded into thinking we save ourselves. We develop a false sense of security from our good works… Our halo gets too tight and a carefully disguised attitude of moral superiority results. Or we are appalled by our own inconsistency, devastated that we haven’t lived up to our lofty expectations of ourselves. The rollercoaster ride of elation and depression continues.”

And that’s just it. I did think that I saved myself through my good works and repentance. Before, when I sinned, I would repent and then force myself to try harder to not sin the next time. But I have realized my effort just doesn’t get the job done. In “trying harder” I am not any different than the Hindus or Muslims, or any other religion for that matter, because they are all based on works. I even viewed repentance as a good work to earn God's forgiveness, when in actuality repentance is a response to the truth that I am already forgiven! As a Christian, I am not saved by my works, but by the GRACE OF GOD. Jesus already did all that was necessary for me to be forgiven and walk in victory when he died on the cross! This all sounds very clique if you’re like me and have been a Christian your whole life, but let me tell you, it’s so different when you actually experience God’s grace.

I had one such encounter last week. In the past couple months I have really been confronted with the wickedness of my own heart. I was very discouraged on this particular day because I could not get my eyes off my own sinfulness and depravity. I just cried out of sheer self-hatred. But God, in his gentle way, lifted my eyes up to see Him through a series of worship songs. He revealed His love through the death of Jesus on the cross to me in a brand new way. I could just feel Him washing me clean of all my sin, wrapping me in His arms of grace. God showed me that my sin, although not good in and of itself, is being used to make me aware of my desperate need for Him. And that is a very, very good thing:) He is making me what the Bible calls “poor in spirit,” realizing that I am nothing without Him and His amazing grace on my life.

Before I viewed myself as an angel with her halo perfectly in place, but now I am realizing that I am a saved sinner. My halo’s a little tilted… and that’s ok.

“The tilted halo of the saved sinner is worn loosely and with easy grace. We have discovered that the cross accomplished far more than revealing the love of God. The blood of the Lamb points to the truth of grace: What we cannot do for ourselves, God has done for us… Jesus Christ bore our sins and bore them away. We cannot wash away the stain of our sins, but He is the Lamb who has taken away the sins of the world.” - The Ragamuffin Gospel

“Hallelujah, Grace like rain pours down on me… Hallelujah, all my stains have been washed away, they’re washed away!”


And this is the gospel of Jesus- Grace.