Grace Like Rain

Have you ever truly experienced the grace of God? All my life I have heard that it is by grace I am saved, but in this season of my life, as I have left the security of all I’ve known and allowed God to expose all the darkness and frailty in me, I can say for the first time, that I am beginning to understand this grace that is saving me moment by moment.


Before coming to Africa, I pretty much thought I was perfect. Oh, I knew that I sinned here and there, but who doesn’t? I really believed that I was a good person and that my own determination to please God would be enough. I prided myself on my amazing ability to be holy while judging others whom I deemed “less holy” than me. When they didn’t meet my expectations, I would condemn them in my mind.


I brought this prideful mindset with me when I came to Gulu, Uganda, but life in Africa smacked me in the face with the reality of my very-present weakness and sin. So instead of being proud, I condemned myself until I repented. Then I went back to thinking I had it all together until I was once again confronted with my sin, and the cycle went round and round…


It’s like Brennan Manning talks about in his book "The Ragamuffin Gospel":

“We fluctuate between castigating ourselves and congratulating ourselves because we are deluded into thinking we save ourselves. We develop a false sense of security from our good works… Our halo gets too tight and a carefully disguised attitude of moral superiority results. Or we are appalled by our own inconsistency, devastated that we haven’t lived up to our lofty expectations of ourselves. The rollercoaster ride of elation and depression continues.”

And that’s just it. I did think that I saved myself through my good works and repentance. Before, when I sinned, I would repent and then force myself to try harder to not sin the next time. But I have realized my effort just doesn’t get the job done. In “trying harder” I am not any different than the Hindus or Muslims, or any other religion for that matter, because they are all based on works. I even viewed repentance as a good work to earn God's forgiveness, when in actuality repentance is a response to the truth that I am already forgiven! As a Christian, I am not saved by my works, but by the GRACE OF GOD. Jesus already did all that was necessary for me to be forgiven and walk in victory when he died on the cross! This all sounds very clique if you’re like me and have been a Christian your whole life, but let me tell you, it’s so different when you actually experience God’s grace.

I had one such encounter last week. In the past couple months I have really been confronted with the wickedness of my own heart. I was very discouraged on this particular day because I could not get my eyes off my own sinfulness and depravity. I just cried out of sheer self-hatred. But God, in his gentle way, lifted my eyes up to see Him through a series of worship songs. He revealed His love through the death of Jesus on the cross to me in a brand new way. I could just feel Him washing me clean of all my sin, wrapping me in His arms of grace. God showed me that my sin, although not good in and of itself, is being used to make me aware of my desperate need for Him. And that is a very, very good thing:) He is making me what the Bible calls “poor in spirit,” realizing that I am nothing without Him and His amazing grace on my life.

Before I viewed myself as an angel with her halo perfectly in place, but now I am realizing that I am a saved sinner. My halo’s a little tilted… and that’s ok.

“The tilted halo of the saved sinner is worn loosely and with easy grace. We have discovered that the cross accomplished far more than revealing the love of God. The blood of the Lamb points to the truth of grace: What we cannot do for ourselves, God has done for us… Jesus Christ bore our sins and bore them away. We cannot wash away the stain of our sins, but He is the Lamb who has taken away the sins of the world.” - The Ragamuffin Gospel

“Hallelujah, Grace like rain pours down on me… Hallelujah, all my stains have been washed away, they’re washed away!”


And this is the gospel of Jesus- Grace.

Richard's Story

Richard Kakanyero is one of our guards at Zion Project. Here is his story [my paraphrase].



“In 2002 I was abducted by the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) from my village in northern Uganda. I had been abducted by them several times before this, but each of those times I was able to escape within one or two hours of being captured. This time was different. Before the last time I was abducted, my mother had given me a piece of tree bark as a witchcraft amulet to bring me protection. I kept it on me at all times. Little did I know that it would not protect me but rather cause me to remain in bondage.

Life in the LRA was hard. I missed home all the time, and because of the poor food (and lack of it), my body was wasting away to nothing. I was extremely skinny and weak. The man in charge of me was disgusted with me and wanted me to be killed on more than one occasion. One time he told me that I had three days to improve, and if on the third day I was not better, I would be killed. I was very worried, and it was at that time that God spoke to me so clearly and said “Why don’t you try trusting Me?” Then I decided to throw away my amulet that I had been secretly keeping, and I made a deal with God. I knew that missing home was making me very weak, so I told God that if he took my thoughts of home away from me, I would live for Him. I also said that the day that God brought my thoughts of home back to me, would be the day that I would escape from the LRA. Until that time I would be a “good soldier.” So God took all thoughts of home away from me at that moment, and right there I surrendered my life to God. The third day came, and my condition had not improved at all. But I had put myself in God’s hands. It just so happened that on the day I was supposed to be killed, some of our enemies (a group of Government Soldiers) attacked us, and everyone was so busy running and fighting that by the time everything settled down days later, they had forgotten to kill me!


Another time there were a couple of boys that tried to escape from our LRA group. They ran away, but were quickly tracked down and brought back to camp. The consequence for anyone who tried to escape and was caught was death. The boys were about to be killed, but before they were, the commander asked them who their parents were so they could give word to them that their children had died. One of the boys said his father’s name, and the officer in charge of me found out that the boy was his relative! So he suggested that those boys be spared and that I be killed in their place because I was of no use to them. I was unaware that any of this was going on. The commander wanted justice and was arguing with this officer, but the officer threatened to start a riot if those boys were killed. The commander knew that the officer was a strong, fighting man, who would cause a lot of problems among them, so he agreed to let the boys go. Then the commander told the officer that if he didn’t want me anymore, he would take me. So the commander took me under his wing, fed me better than I had eaten before, and my body started to get healthier and stronger. Looking back, I can see now that this was God’s hand on my life.


Months passed, and I was gradually trusted more and more by the commander and the other officers. I was strong, and they thought that I was on their side completely. One day I was chosen, along with a handful of other soldiers from our group to go to the border of Sudan and welcome Joseph Kony ( the leader of the LRA). After that I was given a gun and a lot more freedom. I could walk around with my gun and no one would follow me. So one evening God brought back my thoughts of home. It was on that day, seven months after I had been abducted, that I just walked away from camp, with my gun in hand, into my freedom! They didn’t even realize I was gone until the next morning, but by then it was too late to catch me.


I walked to the nearest army barracks, and they welcomed me in. They transferred me to the barracks in Gulu, and I stayed there for three weeks. Then I was transferred to the rehabilitation center at World Vision in Gulu. I lived there for two months and then went to live with a relative in Gulu. I couldn’t go back home to my village because the LRA would capture me again. Thankfully, my family received word of where I was and came to see me. I was so happy! I lived in Gulu for five years before I returned to my village. During that time, my mother was killed by the LRA. My father had died of sickness when I was a little child, so now I was without both my parents. I grieved the loss of my mother so much, but God helped me through. I have decided to cling to Jesus no matter what happens to me in life because He saved me.


I went back to live in the village in 2007. My brother wanted me to stay there and be just like him, working the family business, having multiple wives, but I knew that God had a different plan for my life. So I chose to leave my family and return to live in Gulu by myself to see what God has in store for me. Since then, I have been able to continue school, and I recently opened up my own restaurant! This has been a dream of mine for a long time, and I am going to use the profit to bless the church and advance the kingdom of God. God has given me a strong passion to preach His word, and I am actively doing so on the streets of Gulu and in my church. I am also involved in bringing Jesus to the students of Gulu through various conferences and events. God has been so good to me, and I want the whole world to know Him like I have come to know Him!”