The Essence of Being a Christian

I have been here at IHOP for what seems like years, but it has only been two and half months. The amount of revelation He is graciously giving me about who He is, who I am to Him, and how He has sovereignly brought me to this point in my life journey with Him is more than I have received in most of my years on earth combined.

Have you ever thought that something was one way, only to find out that it is completely the opposite? Shocking isn't it? Well, that's what is happening with me right now in multiple areas.

My whole life Christianity has been a blazing fire of performance and striving for perfection... until the fire was stomped out by personal failure and painful life circumstances. Since then I have sat in the charred ashes of confusion and condemnation, wondering how to do this thing called the Christian life. The Lord has used IHOP to bring me revelation about what it truly means to be a Christian- a "little Christ." Being a Christian doesn't mean I try hard every waking minute of my life to not sin so that God will love and accept me based on my own merit. If I do, I will fail every time... Being a Christian means I know that I am weak and broken and nothing without Jesus, but that I also know He sees me as beautiful and spotless because Jesus chose to suffer and die on the cross, shedding his blood for me. I am dark, but lovely.

And something I never understood before that is starting to bring me freedom is this: God enjoys me, even delights in me during the lowest points of my weakness and failure! He isn't angry with me or disappointed... no. Just the opposite! He sees the "yes" in my heart to love and obey him (even when I fall short), and He is so pleased!

So now whenever, I feel horrible about myself because I've messed up AGAIN, and all I can do is cry, and condemning, accusatory thoughts assail my mind, I say "Enjoy me, God... right here, right now." And He does! He has been shouting that He delights in me for YEARS, but now I am finally able to hear it. And oh how thankful I am! When the truth of His delight in me sinks down deep, I will rise from the tear-stained ashes and dance upon them! My God turns my mourning into dancing, my sorrow into joy. He is mighty to save. He takes great delight in me. He quiets me with His love. he rejoices over me with singing.

Being a Christian is not about following every rule and being perfect to earn God's love. To be a Christian is to know God enjoys us and to enjoy Him in return :)

Grace... Abundant GRACE!

I've been staying with my Mom for the summer, and it's been extremely restful. We have done many fun things together. Here's a pic of us at a park I played at as a little girl.

But the one thing I will remember most about this season was 

God's Abundant GRACE on me.

I have realized that I have gotten used to pain and hardship, and my mentality has been that I am always called to suffer for Jesus. While we are called to suffer as Christians, we're also called to delight ourselves in the Lord and enjoy the life He has given us. I've had my share of the crying and rough living in Africa, and God says "Now it's time to rest and enjoy" God wants balance in our lives, not just one extreme or the other all the time.

I have to say that this lifestyle of comfort and rest in America hasn't been easy for me. LOL  I feel like I'm sinning when I sit to enjoy some pretzels (one of my favorite foods) or eat an ice-cream sandwich (God forbid!) because it's so foreign to me. But that's precisely why God has me in this season-

To teach me balance and shower His incredible GRACE on me.

An oh how I feel it!

I can see now more than ever that God is a good Father who wants to lavish us with His love and gifts. I have been showered with blessings through my Mom and others so much so that I am overwhelmed at the generous heart of my God! All I can say is thank you by living my life for Him.

But it will never repay.

And that's God's GRACE. We get what we don't deserve and what we'll never be able to pay back. It's a gift, plain and simple.

For me, learning to receive that gift is a challenge that I work to get better at each day with God's help.

Can you see God's GRACE in your life? Are you receiving it now?

I know this lesson will continue on as I head out to IHOPU in less than three weeks. I have my train ticket (12 hours across the US), and I can't wait for what God will do in me there. My sister will be there to welcome me with open arms!

I am happy to report that God has provided half of my first semester's tuition ($900), and I know He will make a way for the rest to come in.

1st semester- $1800

2nd semester- $2200

Total year- $4000

If you would like to be a part of God's provision, just click on the DONATE button on the right side of this blog or you can mail a check to New Day Fellowship 4977 Vann Rd. Newburgh, IN 47630 with my name in the memo.

Thanks for your continued prayers friends! Please tell me how I can pray for you too :)

God's Abundant GRACE Be Manifested in Your Life

Abrupt Turn in the Road

Have you ever been walking along a path and then once you turn a corner, it's going in a totally different direction than you were previously going?  That's sometimes what life is like, and currently that is what is happening in my life.

I was headed head-long into marrying Richard and being a missionary in Gulu, Uganda Africa for the rest of my life....

Then the turn in the road came and the Lord showed me "that's not exactly how it's gonna go"

So plans have drastically changed, and what can I do but trust that His ways are higher than my ways? He promised to lead me along the BEST pathway for my life, and I believe He is doing just that!

The wedding has been cancelled and Richard and I are no longer together. Also, I am not staying in Uganda but going back to the US to be with family and heal. This is important for me right now, and know it's right.

I am so thankful, though, that He has given me a different direction to go and I'm not just wandering in some wilderness, off the path altogether. He is calling me to go to the Forerunner School of Ministry (FSM) at IHOP (International House of Prayer) in Kansas City, MO. starting this fall. My sister is there in the music school, and we'll be able to live together, which is so exciting! And lately God is bringing friends (both new and old) that will be there as well :D He is so good.

The school will help me to get more grounded in the Word of God and further equipped for the next mission assignment He has for me, whether it be back in Uganda or in another country. I am still called to missions and this is just a new leg of the journey...

If you feel led to support me financially as I'll be at FSM, you can donate by clicking on the button in the right hand column or send a check to my home church made out to New Day Fellowship at
4977 Vann Rd. Newburgh, IN 47630

God bless you!

Wedding Prep

Apwoyo! (Pronounced "Ah-foy-yo," means "Hello" in Acholi)

I haven't been writing on here much lately, so I thought I'd share what I'm up to these days :D

I'm getting married!!!

Richard Kakanyero, the love of my life, and I are tying the knot in August in the US, and we cannot wait! We are so psyched!

This season is a challenging one because God has removed me from a lot of the ministry I was doing so that I can prepare mentally, emotionally and physically for our upcoming wedding, married life and ministry when we return to Gulu.

He has me learning a lot about self-sacrifice and being willing to do the mundane tasks of life in Africa (washing dishes, laundry, cooking etc) and not always looking for the adventurous ministry opportunity. I am learning that my family needs to be my first priority and major ministry before I can do any ministry outside the home. This is such a good thing for me!

There is a precious large white missionary family that moved into the big house on my compound, and they are a total God-send. They are the Riegers, and they have 7 children (6 are here in Uganda). They have come to teach marriage and parenting classes, and I am blessed to benefit from their many years of experience! They have adopted me as a daughter in their home and family, just like Mama and Baba did in the previous season of my life :D All I can say is Thank you Jesus!

My next-door neighbors, Will and Etta are also still a big part of Richard and my life as they are doing premarital counseling with us... so helpful to see our blindspots!

Another great thing about this season is that Richard and I are getting to spend a lot of time together:) We have submitted his visa and will be traveling to go to his visa interview in the next couple weeks. Pray for favor! We hope to be receiving the money for our plane tickets (God will provide) and flying mid-May after Richard gets his visa. If you'd like to help us get to America, you can donate through Paypal by clicking the button in the right-hand column.

So that's what's new! I'd love to hear from you when you have a free moment:0)

Grace and Peace from our Father

Trip to Sudan

So I had to make a trip out of the country recently in order to purchase another visa to remain in Uganda. I wanted to make it as quick of a trip as possible (due to lack of funds), so I took a bus to the Sudanese border.

Oh, was it an adventure...

First, the bus got stuck behind a semi that fell into a hole and was immovable off the road. Several men had to dig out the side of the road with pick axes which took an hour or so. I got out of the bus while it was attempting to squeeze by the semi on VERY slippery muddy ground, and I'm so glad I did! I watched in horror with a few other women as the bus hit the semi, slid every which way on the road, even moving horizontally at times and almost tipping over, but it made it through safely somehow, and our journey, albeit delyed... continued.

When we reached immigration at the Ugandan border, I asked an official if he could renew my visa. He had me wait until everyone else went through and then still denied me a visa. Instead he stamped my passport with exit for Uganda and told me to go to the Sudanese border. Which would have been fine, except while I was waiting, the bus left without me unknowingly!

So here I am by myself on the border of Uganda trying to find a way to travel the half hour to Sudan... I called a friend of a friend who works up in Sudan, and praise the Lord he came to pick me up and take me to Sudan! He was definately a God-send because he knows all the officials, and it was very easy from that point on to enter and exit Sudan and come back to the Ugandan border to purchase a new visa.

Mission accomplished after a lot of prayer!

Next task was to get back to Gulu. All the buses had already gone through for the day and no more were coming. I resigned to waiting a couple hours for a taxi to come, but because of the favor of God, one of the officials got me a ride with an NGO truck going to Gulu with three men. This was a divine appointment because once when we were stuck in the road (again!), I got the chance to share the gospel with one of the men and pray over him for the healing of his ulcers! He had no clue what it meant to be "born again" so it was an amazing seed planted! All glory to God.

Also on this trip I was able to show the love of Jesus to a precious Muslim couple who owned a restaurant at the Ugandan border. The man said he might come to visit my church!

All in all, I knew God had great things planned when my own plans fell apart... isn't that the way He always works? His way are certainly higher than our ways!

Pruning

Imagine you are a tree.

You see yourself as a strong tree that is is is rooted deeply and bearing good fruit...

But then the Gardener comes and prunes many of your branches

Snip snip, here... snip snip there...

He begins to reveal who you really are inside, in the wickedness of your own heart. He starts to expose the pride of thinking you were "perfect" and holy. He allows circumstances to come to bring to the surface all those character flaws that need to go so you can be pure and holy... like Your God

You feel like saying "stop cutting me down already! I won't produce any fruit this way!"

But the Gardner knows best, and you trust the Gardener's love and care for you as His beautiful tree.

You may not feel like you are producing abundant fruit now... but just wait... If you will be faithful and humble enough to allow the Gardener to remove all that is not good in you, you will one day be bearing fruit every season and your leaves will be for healing the nations!

And it might happen faster than you expect... Stand still and let the Gardener cut you... it will be painful I can guarantee it, but the reward is worth the little and temporary pain now.

You will stand tall and be a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor, and countless people will be blessed through you.

Trust the Gardener... He is never wrong. Don't fight the process... it will delay and complicate matters if you do. Don't give up... He knows how much you can handle.