I have been here at IHOP for what seems like years, but it has only been two and half months. The amount of revelation He is graciously giving me about who He is, who I am to Him, and how He has sovereignly brought me to this point in my life journey with Him is more than I have received in most of my years on earth combined.
Have you ever thought that something was one way, only to find out that it is completely the opposite? Shocking isn't it? Well, that's what is happening with me right now in multiple areas.
My whole life Christianity has been a blazing fire of performance and striving for perfection... until the fire was stomped out by personal failure and painful life circumstances. Since then I have sat in the charred ashes of confusion and condemnation, wondering how to do this thing called the Christian life. The Lord has used IHOP to bring me revelation about what it truly means to be a Christian- a "little Christ." Being a Christian doesn't mean I try hard every waking minute of my life to not sin so that God will love and accept me based on my own merit. If I do, I will fail every time... Being a Christian means I know that I am weak and broken and nothing without Jesus, but that I also know He sees me as beautiful and spotless because Jesus chose to suffer and die on the cross, shedding his blood for me. I am dark, but lovely.
And something I never understood before that is starting to bring me freedom is this: God enjoys me, even delights in me during the lowest points of my weakness and failure! He isn't angry with me or disappointed... no. Just the opposite! He sees the "yes" in my heart to love and obey him (even when I fall short), and He is so pleased!
So now whenever, I feel horrible about myself because I've messed up AGAIN, and all I can do is cry, and condemning, accusatory thoughts assail my mind, I say "Enjoy me, God... right here, right now." And He does! He has been shouting that He delights in me for YEARS, but now I am finally able to hear it. And oh how thankful I am! When the truth of His delight in me sinks down deep, I will rise from the tear-stained ashes and dance upon them! My God turns my mourning into dancing, my sorrow into joy. He is mighty to save. He takes great delight in me. He quiets me with His love. he rejoices over me with singing.
Being a Christian is not about following every rule and being perfect to earn God's love. To be a Christian is to know God enjoys us and to enjoy Him in return :)
